Good Friends Are Hard to Find: Help Your Child Find, Make, and Keep Friends

I also found some of Frankel's sample dialogues (e.g. how parent can tell child to play well) somewhat condescending; I think most parents can figure out for themselves what words to use when encouraging their child. And some of Frankel's "rules" seem odd to me: e.g. he says that if girls are playing with a toy and another girl approaches, she needs to ask the girl who owns the toy if it's ok if she plays with them -- and this supposedly does not apply to boys. Frankel provides no evidence for this alleged difference; he simply states it as fact.

I was hoping this book would have more information about kids' friendships in general and about differences between children at various ages etc. It's interesting as a simple how-to manual but not particularly informative beyond that.


Comforting for parent, helpful for kids   February 8, 2004
 10 out of 13 found this review helpful

This great book provides parents with a wealth of helful information that will make you feel more confident about the guidance you give to your kids about having friends and being friends. It will help parents help their kids understand and improve social relationships. I highly recommend this book!

Sheryl Gurrentz, author
"If Your Child is Bipolar"
"The Guilt-Free Guide to Your New Life as a Mom"


Hard to Find and Hard to Keep   July 28, 2003
 46 out of 48 found this review helpful

"Friendship is a mutual relationship formed with affection and commitment between people who consider themselves equals."

Life changes fast. Your friends are changing and you are changing and at times friends will go off in different directions. Lately someone told me a story about a friend who was like an angel to them and only appeared in their life when they needed her. She also disappeared for years at a time without telling them why.

The problem with finding friends is just that: "finding them." While you would think it was the easiest thing in the world to make friends, it really is difficult to find those amazing " once-in-a-lifetime" great pals who you can talk to about anything. Losing those people is like loosing half your soul.

Perhaps the best solution is to help your children start choosing good friends early in life. This is a book about making and keeping friends.

The Contents Include:

Finding Friends
Making Friends
Keeping Friends
Dealing with Teasing, bullying and Meanness
Helping Your Child Stay out of Trouble

Fred Frankel is a psychologist and leading expert on children?s social skills. He is the director of the UCLA Parent Training & Children's Social Skills Program. This is where he teaches pediatricians, psychologists, social workers and child psychiatrists.

He has information in this book, I had not really considered. While it might be logical, they do say that children who did not have a best friend as a child grow up to be lonely young adults. They found that friends teach us about social grace and how to solve disagreements, not to mention supporting each other through stressful times.

One of the most ingenious ideas is to develop interests that attract friends. My parents used to have birthday parties for us and bake really good cupcakes. That was sure to attract friends, however, I soon learned that often kids would be my friend just so they could have some of my lunch. My dad made the best lunches for me to take to school. This book shows you how to try to find out what your child is really interested in and encourage them in that direction.

There is also a section on how to discourage bad choices.

The section on "having friends stolen" brought back some of my own childhood memories. Losing a close friend brought back some memories from my adult life. You know when a friendship is going to end. It is just painful to see it happening. Chapter 16 shows the early, late and point of no return stages. It is good to know that grieving is ok.

One of the problems I dealt with repeatedly as a child was "moving away." Eventually I just became scared of making new friends because I knew in a few month I'd be moving again and it became painful for me to say goodbye. I maintained shallow friendships for most of my life, however some of my childhood friendships turned into long-term friendships through writing letters. The author explains how you can make this process easier for a child. Writing letters did work for me in some cases, although it is impossible to keep track of all your childhood pals.

This book can help you deal with:

Bullies
Kids that Tease your child obsessively
Calls from school telling you your child has been in a fight
A child who has ADD/ADHD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
A child who says they are too busy to make friends

This book has a nice index and additional information about the selections offered by the publisher.

You might also enjoy:

Win the Whining War and Other Skirmishes: A family peace plan
The Answer is NO
Survival Tips for Working Moms

~The Rebecca Review


Addresses real problems, gives practical answers   June 1, 2002
 24 out of 27 found this review helpful

I liked this book very much. When my 8 year old encountered various situations at school I wasn't sure what to tell him to do. This book addresses real problems and gives real answers. It tells you how to help you child and what to say to them, without solving the problem FOR them. I thought it was excellent.