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You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation | 
 enlarge | Author: Deborah Tannen
Publisher: Ballantine Books
Category: Book
List Price: $14.95
Buy Used: $2.39
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Avg. Customer Rating:  63 reviews
Sales Rank: 33908
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 304
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.5
Dimensions (in): 8 x 5.2 x 0.7
ISBN: 081297266X
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.8743
EAN: 9780812972665
ASIN: 081297266X
Publication Date: December 26, 2006
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Product Description
Deborah Tannen's #1 New York Times bestseller You Just Don’t Understand revolutionized communication between women and men. Now, in her most provocative and engaging book to date, she takes on what is potentially the most fraught and passionate connection of women’s lives: the mother-daughter relationship.
It was Tannen who first showed us that men and women speak different languages. Mothers and daughters speak the same language–but still often misunderstand each other, as they struggle to find the right balance between closeness and independence. Both mothers and daughters want to be seen for who they are, but tend to see the other as falling short of who she should be. Each overestimates the other’s power and underestimates her own.
Why do daughters complain that their mothers always criticize, while mothers feel hurt that their daughters shut them out? Why do mothers and daughters critique each other on the Big Three–hair, clothes, and weight–while longing for approval and understanding? And why do they scrutinize each other for reflections of themselves?
Deborah Tannen answers these and many other questions as she explains why a remark that would be harmless coming from anyone else can cause an explosion when it comes from your mother or your daughter. She examines every aspect of this complex dynamic, from the dark side that can shadow a woman throughout her life, to the new technologies like e-mail and instant messaging that are transforming mother-daughter communication. Most important, she helps mothers and daughters understand each other, the key to improving their relationship.
With groundbreaking insights, pitch-perfect dialogues, and deeply moving memories of her own mother, Tannen untangles the knots daughters and mothers can get tied up in. Readers will appreciate Tannen’s humor as they see themselves on every page and come away with real hope for breaking down barriers and opening new lines of communication. Eye-opening and heartfelt, You’re Wearing That? illuminates and enriches one of the most important relationships in our lives.
“Tannen analyzes and decodes scores of conversations between moms and daughters. These exchanges are so real they can make you squirm as you relive the last fraught conversation you had with your own mother or daughter. But Tannen doesn't just point out the pitfalls of the mother-daughter relationship, she also provides guidance for changing the conversations (or the way that we feel about the conversations) before they degenerate into what Tannen calls a mutually aggravating spiral, a "self-perpetuating cycle of escalating responses that become provocations." – The San Francisco Chronicle
From the Hardcover edition.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 58 more reviews...
 Great for women AND men! November 15, 2008
Another reviewer said it best when she asked if Tannen knew her and her daughter. I called my mother several times over the course of reading this book, laughing about conversations we've had IDENTICAL to those in this book. What I love about Tannen is that none of the information she delivers is revolutionary, it's the way she collects, organizes, and details it that makes it useful and interesting to general audiences. And while I highly recommend this book to women, I'd love for men to read it as well; I think it would give them great insight into a relationship that often leaves them shaking their head.
Great August 2, 2008
Great book for the parents of children, and should be read by the children as well.
Fascinating... July 13, 2008
This book was interesting, even fascinating.
I love reading about why people think and act the way they do, and Tannen has made some amazing discoveries about why mothers and daughters interact the way they do. She also has some helpful suggestions. I enjoyed this book and I learned some things as well.
You're wearing that? June 20, 2008
This book most certainly made me laugh, get a bit teary eyed and also shed new light on why my relationship with my mother is the way it is. It certainly has stretched me farther than I wanted but in the end the book has given me a new perspective on the mother-daughter relationship.
A Book for Daughters May 8, 2008
This book was made for daughters so they can understand why their mothers act the way they do. I felt like there was more of an emphasis for daughters to understand where their mothers are coming from but not so much for mothers to understand their daughters. The subjects discussed in the book allow for the reader to understand what Tannen is trying to convey in very casual terms. She shows the reader how powerful words can be and how they can be easily misinterpreted which is why problems arise. Overall it was an easy read, very entertaining and very insightful, a good book for those young ladies who want to improve the quality of their relationship with their own mother.
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