Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence | 
 enlarge | Author: Philip W. Cook
Publisher: Praeger Trade
Category: Book
List Price: $36.95
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Avg. Customer Rating:  21 reviews
Sales Rank: 355035
Media: Hardcover
Edition: 1
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 216
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.8
Dimensions (in): 9.2 x 6 x 0.6
ISBN: 0275958620
Dewey Decimal Number: 362.8292
EAN: 9780275958626
ASIN: 0275958620
Publication Date: September 30, 1997
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Product Description
When most people think of domestic violence, images of battered women or abused children come to mind. But there is another side to this issue that is not as familiar--abused men. This unique book is the first to comprehensively examine this important but neglected social issue. Already praised by a diverse spectrum of readers--from "Dear Abby's" Abigail Van Buren, to the nation's leading domestic violence researcher, to those in law enforcement and counseling--this work is sure to spark controversy and discussion. It offers gripping, emotional stories, self-help for victims, and provocative insight into public issues, and provides a basic reference source for professionals. Abused Men presents practical solutions for reducing domestic violence, whether its victims are male or female. Cook begins by examining the common misconceptions about this social issue and offers a wealth of what will be new information for most readers. While statistics show that 1.8 million American women are severely assaulted by their mates each year, few know that the same source indicates that 2 million men are also assaulted at home. After laying the groundwork for a serious reconsideration of how society views domestic violence, Cook allows a number of abused men to tell their stories. He then puts these experiences in the context of what therapists and others who have worked with such men know about domestic violence and how the male victim is similar to, yet different from, his female counterpart. After examining the reasons why so little is known about male abuse and the difficulties researchers encounter, Cook shows how the abused man, his friends and family, and the abusive or abused woman can come to grips with domestic violence. Drawing from a variety of sources, the final chapter brings these diverse elements together and proposes practical solutions for reducing domestic violence, whether its victims are male or female.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 16 more reviews...
 Male Victims Exist March 28, 2008
1 out of 2 found this review helpful
I work in a domestic violence program. I got interested in this work not only because I was a victim of psychological abuse in a previous relationship, but mostly because my husband was a victim of not only emotional and psychological abuse, but also physical abuse. His ex-wife would knock him unconscious with metal bars and ran him over with her car. She would hit him and scratch him whenever she could. Thankfully he only has some small scars and minimal mental impairment from his experiences with her. The thing I have found with him and other male victims I have met in the course of my work is that they almost never report. I don't know if it is a sense of shame or fear, all I know is that female towards male abuse does happen, but you rarely hear anything about it. Are more physical abusers men? Yes. Does this mean that women don't physically abuse? No.
The courts prosecute physical abuse, but what about emotional and psychological abuse? The victims (mostly female) I work with tell me that when their abusers beat them, it hurt, but the deepest scars they have and those they don't know if they will survive are the emotional and psychological scars. How many couples have you seen where all you hear is the woman criticizing and putting down her partner? She may not be hitting him physically, but how do you think he feels? How is his psyche affected? He is even less likely to report that or to leave. Even if he did try to report or tell someone, wouldn't most people just make fun of him? Male victims are mostly stuck. I try to help them when I find them, but most of them are too embarrassed or afraid to accept my or anyone else's assistance.
I do want to address the tone that some of the men have used in their comments. It is true that there are male victims and many, but we can't forget the thousands and probably millions of female victims out there. They suffer greatly and they still need all the help we can give them. We need to includes services for abused men, but not at the expense of our services for women.
Balanced Picture of Domestic Violence on Both Sides September 17, 2005
12 out of 13 found this review helpful
Author Phil Cook does and excellent job of documenting and presenting a logical case that Abused Men (and fathers and their children) by women is very real, large as life, often denied and usually very "hidden" - the proverbial elephant in your back yard. If you ignore and deny it, it won't matter, or "doesn't exist."
An extra pat on the back for the author on making his case for abused men while not discounting the seriousness of domestic violence (DV) against women, and without exaggerating the real amount of violence on either side. It would be fool-hardy to do the opposite, as many authors do, exposing their ignorance, bias, prejudice and even their own abusiveness to the victims of these sensitive issues, where revictimization often comes at the hands of "well-meaning" authors and officials. Though this book is 8 years old it is still very applicable today, as is the excellent and fairly well balanced 25 year old book, "Behind Closed Doors, Domestic Violence in the American Family," quoted by the author.
Had "Abused Men" been written today more could have been included to support the fact that male victims are beyond all doubt no less commonly (and severely) victimized as female victims, despite mis-drawn but often quoted conclusions from some not-so-balanced studies. Examples: The Department of Justice (DOJ) stats which the author quotes from the early 90's have since risen dramatically for male victims, as the eyes of some victim advocates are just starting to open. DOJ stats now concede that men comprise about 35% to 40% of all DV victims (a far shot from the then 8-15%), but closing the reality gap bit by bit. Most balanced and extensive studies reveal that younger women are up to twice as violent as younger men. Yes, this is the college- age crowd, from which come the very women who scream the loudest, but only about violence against women. Since publication of "Abused Men" even reluctant DHHS (Dept of Health and Human Svcs - along with Div of Child and Family Svcs/Child Protective Svcs) compiled stats showing that most DV against children is by biological moms (62%) while just 25% is by biological dads. One official from DHHS confirmed the validity of this report but wanted to explain that it was due to moms spending more time with the kids, and that most of it was from single moms who get little support from the absent fathers and are stressed out... So fathers really are important in decreasing child abuse and neglect, according this contradictory social worker who had earlier discounted the importance of fathers and showed her disdain for fathers (abuser suspects in her book) and belief that mothers were superior and the best single alternative for children... I asked her if her office didn't back the anti-DV mantra, "There's NO Excuse for Abuse!" used by women's shelters and women's support agencies and groups her office associated with (Was she excusing, justifying abuse by women?). My observations were met with passive-aggressive rage. Studies now show that women as a whole gender are more often aggressive initiators, initiating about 62% of all physical DV, including events where the woman gets the worst of it in the end. A hospital ER study conducted in 2004 (inspired by another biased study that only questioned women...) revealed that the men (given the same questions as a women-only study) had received more injuries of a serious nature from their female intimates than the other way around. The list goes on...
As the author and others he quotes wisely point out, the reason police, DOJ and hospital reports of abused men is climbing (but not up to par yet) is not that women are becoming more and more violent, but only that violence BY women was ignored more in the past. Men are still told by many ER doctors that getting beat up is his own fault, while proper reports are not filed and police are not notified. What happened to their mantra they tell female victims in the same ER, "There's NO Excuse for Abuse!"? This is why the male ER study was very different than most ER stats on DV against men vs DV against women - the male patients in the study were actually allowed input which was reported on rather than the bias of doctors and nurses being the only report heard. Perhaps male doctors, police, judges etc are the most critical of male victims for daring to break the silence and not "take it like a man," thus another reason male victims often stay silent, except in balanced studies. You speak up, you get revictimized.
Thanks, Phil Cook, for showing that proper studies can be presented in a balanced way.
A crisis too long ignored May 6, 2005
20 out of 23 found this review helpful
Society has come a long way, baby, in recognizing WOMEN'S domestic violence but has completely overlooked the plight of abused HUSBANDS. Where are THEIR shelters? Their support groups?
We still have the tendency to blow off abused men as "henpecked husbands" when the reality is far more critical and has already resulted in tragedy. Thank you, Mr. Cook, for bringing this issue into the light of day. Hopefully men will start coming out of the shadows and filing charges against their abusers so that everyone will see what they already know: THEY ARE VICTIMS. Domestic Violence is exactly that, and the victims' sex organs are irrelevant
An inspiring healing book December 8, 2004
19 out of 22 found this review helpful
First I must address several grievous mistake in the review written by Detroit velvet. 1. This individual states that it is wrong to say more men than women are abused. That is grossly incorrect. Sociologists and scientists all over have stated time and again that indeed more men than women are abused. 2. This individual further implies that ALL MEN lie about being abused, while it is true that some men are abusive it is ludicrous to make the blanket statement that all men are abusive, thereby liars when caught claiming victimhood. What utter nonsense!
Detroit velvet is in dire need of a reality check. If the men who are abusive can lie claiming abuse then why is it so impossible to assume that women who claim abuse may in turn be lying and in fact are the abuser?
I have to wonder how many women have physically, and mentally abused their male partners then when the partner left claimed the role of the victim instead.
Men don't tell because they face monumental obstructions by authorities and peers. Mentalities such as 'men love it' or 'you deserved it' or 'you're lying' or 'you're such a whimp, suck it up'.
I was kid and had a girl friend who beat and belittled me then would come back claiming she was sorry and loved me so I took her back, time and again finally I had enough and left. She claimed abuse. I NEVER HIT A WOMAN IN MY LIFE - EVER!
Later I had another girl friend while not a hitter was very verbally abusive, after having enough I left, and then another and another, all angry and some hitters.
Then I met my wife, who was very much a hitter, and extremely emotionally abusive. Again I never raised a hand to her or any woman. After eleven years (and two children) of trying to make it work, hoping she would change, I couldn't take the depression and the abuse any more, I left. I have been in counseling since and trying to break the cycle of picking the SAME WOMAN over and over again.
This book is a real help and acknowledgement to those of us who to varying degrees have lived though abuse. I wish our anti male prejudiced media and society treated this abuse with equal concern and diligence as they do abused women and children.
Just a couple after notes here.
1. With all the press over abuse why is this segment so blatantly ignored?
2. If a man is bitter and prejudiced against women he is a chauvinist pig and a mental and social caveman. What then is a society that views a gender such as men the Detroit velvet and other like this individual, view them? Wow! Talk about hypocrisy!
Open your eyes and look at the entire picture of abuse. December 26, 2003
27 out of 37 found this review helpful
Sorry to all the feminist apologists out there, but men *are* abused by their female lovers, and rarely do they defend themselves - because the odds are so incredibly stacked against them. A woman can always claim that her abuse was in self-defense, and 99 times out of 100 she will be believed, no question. And where exactly is a battered man to go? There is exactly one shelter for abused men, and it's targeted to gay men, and it's in San Francisco. I guess if your wife is battering you in Virginia, you're SOL. I loathe the hypocrisy of the feminists who refuse to believe that women are capable of bad things - and when we do commit grievous bodily harm, assault, rape, or murder, it's not our fault. No, it's the husband, or the father, or the police, or someone (anyone) else. This book is one of the few that breaks the myth that women are the sole victims of domestic violence.
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