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 enlarge | Authors: Albert Ellis, Marcia Grad Powers
Publisher: Wilshire Book Co
Category: Book
List Price: $15.00
Buy New: $7.44
You Save: $7.56 (50%)
New (27) Used (15) from $5.50
Avg. Customer Rating:  21 reviews
Sales Rank: 29969
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 230
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.6
Dimensions (in): 8.3 x 5.3 x 0.6
ISBN: 0879804459
Dewey Decimal Number: 153.6
EAN: 9780879804459
ASIN: 0879804459
Publication Date: October 1, 2000
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| Customer Reviews:
Shines a harsh light - both ways November 15, 2005
41 out of 44 found this review helpful
This is a tough book. As you can probably tell from the other reviews, there is great divisiveness on what everyone thinks this book is trying to say. As someone very much acquianted with verbal abuse, it is very easy for me to see the passions arise about this book, just as the passions arise when verbal abuse happens. I hope I can shed some light on this very touchy subject.
On the one side, the abuser "justifies" their behavior by claiming that the victim "caused" him to act that way (I use "him" because that is the most common). The victim "blames" the abuser because the abuser has "caused" her to feel worthless and "beaten." I believe this is the most common dynamic.
Let's just all agree that verbal abuse is disrespectful, harmful, and in general not a healthy activity because of the damage that it causes. This book helps the victim of verbal abuse drop her "victimhood" and take charge of her life in standing up to the abuse and getting out of the relationship, which in most, if not all cases, is the best thing to do. It correctly and clearly states the hard facts: Verbal abusers rarely take the time and effort to change their behavior, quite often see nothing wrong with it, and usually won't even admit that they ARE verbally abusive in the first place. Sacrificing the abused's happiness and well being because they believe they can change the abuser is not healthy or realistic. It is the abuser that must change. That rarely happens.
The book also serves a secondary function by addressing the not often talked about notion of the personal responsibility of the victim; As in the case of Patricia Evan's books, victimhood is on par with sainthood; that author blames the abuser and glorifies the victim, yet doesn't acknowledge the underlying problem: Why does someone continue to endure this abuse? How does the victim avoid it in the future, and become resilient to its affects?
There must be an element of self-acceptance and other-acceptance by the abused in order for any real healing to begin. Self-esteem, as Ellis argues forcefully in his other books, is a dangerous myth. Only with self-acceptance and other acceptance, without leveling blame, and with recognizing that being a victim is not a lifestyle that one lives and is happy doing so, will the abused be able to begin the path to healing.
If you are a verbal abuser and are struggling to come to terms with your actions, this book will certainly give you practice in empathy. It will be difficult to read for you, but very cathartic. Highly recommended for both abusers and abused, if combined with Ellis' Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (A Guide to Rational Living).
 The 'secret' strategies imparted here have been tested by time October 14, 2005
9 out of 15 found this review helpful
Mistreatment by a partner usually is considered physical, so most books on abuse focus on physical abuse - but verbal abuse is just as damaging, and THE SECRET OF OVERCOMING VERBAL ABUSE: GETTING OFF THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER AND REGAINING CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE tells how to overcome it. The 'secret' strategies imparted here have been tested by time and aim to allow the reader to thwart self-doubt, guilt, depression and more. Author Albert Ellis is a renowned psychologist who works with psychological educator Marcia Grad Powers to create a program which works.
This book was a godsend September 29, 2005
31 out of 33 found this review helpful
This book helped me immediately to stop obsessing over matters that I could not change and redirected me to a more positive outlook about myself. I absolutely love this book! The thing that helped me the most was a chapter in the book that told me, I was my own worst abuser by re-examining every verbally abusive event that happened to me. Once I realized I was emotionally beating myself up more than the actual event, I quit doing it.
There are so many tips in this book that helped me see in a new light and gave me ways to deal with my thoughts and reactions to verbal abuse.
I wholeheartedly would recommend this book to anyone in a verbally abusive relationship.
This book turned my life around.......... September 23, 2005
38 out of 41 found this review helpful
Althought some people thought this book takes away from the culpability of the abuser, it was the first book on verbal abuse that helped me understand that I had to make the ultimate choice.
You can't keep giving the abuser your empathy, feel sorry for YES, empathy NO, there comes a time when you need to take care of # 1 or end up in the looney bin!!
That is something hard to do when you have been beaten down. I finally understood that no amount of explaining, or hoping or changing on my part would EVER make a difference. You can love this person do death, it will not make a difference.That nothing AT ALL that you are doing is causing this person to treat you this way. That it basically comes down to realizing the abuser is responsible for their behavior, they are making the choice to behave that way and WILL NOT change. Wether conciously or subconciously they are being disrespectful and inconsiderate and when you express your feelings they are always trying to convince you that they are not doing anything wrong and will not take any responsability.
What are your options?
If you are ready and can understand that clearly, you will see that the ONLY option you have is to TOTALLY disengage.
 DO NOT READ THIS INSENSITIVE BOOK. September 13, 2005
7 out of 17 found this review helpful
An absolutely horrible book, I was sickened by its slant on stopping verbal abuse by behaving equally badly; it distorts the true pain of verbal abuse, and blames the recipient. I suspect it was written BY an abusive man. PLEASE AVOID THIS BOOK! I've been there, if you're hurting, my heart and love go out to you. If you suspect you're in an abusive marriage, MUCH BETTER BOOKS exist, including The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond -- by Patricia Evans, and Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men -- by Lundy Bancroft. When you see "your relationship" in black and white, you will suddenly see what he is doing to you, and it will be a relief to know you're not going crazy!
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